In Search of a Spirit

The journey began last year, after my dad passed away from brain cancer. On the night of his death I was sitting in my front room,  got up and started to walk towards my staircase and up to bed. But then I felt like someone was behind me, watching me and I got a little bit scared.

I cautiously peeked outside between the blinds and I didn’t see anything so I continued on my way up the stairs to bed. Then my phone rang and it was my mom, my dad had just passed. It was then that my entire body went cold, and I began to sob.

He’s painful journey was finally over and he could rest in peace. He had beaten cancer a few months before his death but then it came back with a vengeance and attacked his brain, he died within three weeks of his diagnosis.

Bill's Prayer Medal

As the days marched on, I tried to as well. The pain of loosing a parent is never anything that you can get over.  It is just a pain that you feel everyday and learn to deal with. Sadly, I tried deal with it by burring my emotions and not think about it. But after awhile I am sure you can imagine how well that went. After a few months of helping my mom clean out the house, pack up his belongings and helping with garage sales I was emotionally drained.

Bill Winston Garage

Tools and Floppy Disks for days.

This lasted for a about six months and then we were into the holiday season, which was an extremely difficult time. What made it even harder was that I never felt my dad’s spirit around me. My grandmother passed a few years ago and I swear, I feel her around me every now and again; but my dad – not a thing.

Nona Flowers and Candle

My Nona

His favorite places in the world were Disneyland and Walt Disney World. I thought that if I visited these places maybe I would feel his spirit with me.

I went to Disneyland first, I am a sort plane ride away from the Happiest Place on Earth. I can be on a 6:30 am flight and make it to Main Street, U.S.A by 9:30 am.

Disneyland - Sleeping Beauty Castle

Sleeping Beauty Castle, one of his favorite spots.

Sunset at Paradise Pier - Disney's California Adventure

Sunset over Paradise Pier at Disney’s California Adventure

Then I visited Walt Disney World and I thought for sure I would feel his presence there. I sat and watched his favorite parades, firework shows and went on his favorite rides. But I felt nothing different, I didn’t feel his spirit around me at all. I was actually perplexed and disappointed at this point. Where could he be?

Wishes Fireworks at Magic Kingdom

Wishes Nighttime Spectacular Fireworks at Magic Kingdom

Main Street Electrial Parade - To Honor America

Main Street Electrical Parade, the final float was always his favorite.

IllumiNations at Epcot

IlluniNations at Epcot

I had actually not seen IllumiNations before this visit to Walt Disney World. I can see how this was one of his favorite shows.

Then on my last day in Orlando I finally had some down time away from the hustle of Walt Disney World and it hit me. I wouldn’t find my dad’s spirt in these places, I wouldn’t find his spirit in the fireworks, parades or the sunsets.

He is with me, he is in my own soul. He is with me when I am sad and when I am happy. He is with me when I make tough decisions and when I celebrate my wins. He may not be standing next to me, but he is with me.

He will always be with me and my mom just like this picture from 1986 at Disneyland.

Disneyland 1986

If like me, you’ve been waiting for your loved one’s spirit to appear to you, just remember that they are with you no matter what.  It has taken me just a bit over a year to realize this about my dad’s spirit, he would be so mad that it took me this long to figure out.  I hope that you find peace as that is now the pathway I am attempting to walk on.

About Dawn

Dawn is a social influencer and has been writing about her nerdy side since 2004. She enjoys writing about Entertainment, Travel, Disney, Star Wars and life with two little girls. Her advice is to keep on dreaming, do what you love and life will lead you a path to your happiness. Dawn also writes for 5 Minutes for Mom.

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